Growing Up!

I was just learning to solve math problems and *BOOM* was out facing the influential human race.  I was 18 then. By the time I dealt with the hardest decision of life, as in which career to choose, I was done with the graduation ceremony.  How I hate the time flying system. 

My days began with phone calls and ended with the plans made at the beginning of the day. Fluttering like a butterfly all around the BOMBAY. Today, I’m lost somewhere within the To-DO-Lists. The day is anticipated and lacks thrill and fun. 

I feel like I am growing old…rapidly! Perhaps, I have. Too many things mean too little to me. I hardly spend time on anything I once considered my own. I thought I would do wonders. But the older I got, I realized the fact that I’ve got lost long ago! Actually, I don’t know what matters to me: My AGE or the CHANGE. No! It’s just that I miss being myself. Miss the planned me.  

I’ve just been pushed into the pool of LIFE – where solving issues has been a part of life. The People, The Thoughts, The Society has been drowning us with some or the other ways. Scary to know that the world you wished for is, fragile. You are surrounded by the dusts and amidst that you struggle to manage a lucid vision. But you are only a human, right?

I’m neither depressed nor out of order.  It’s just that I’m trying to view our stories through my pair of glasses.  I am amused to see how we struggle to get to our dreams.  In spite of being definite, most of them won’t take place in the real world. We hallucinate most of the times and twist them up together and churn them for living.  

Singledom - Boon or Bane?

Just when I walked past these people, I start to contemplate about love. I was at the sea shore strolling for some ME time. It was one of the satisfying moments amongst the beautiful climate. I climbed the rocks only to observe the engaging gestures, trifling battles, those cuddly moments, and the pissing off acts all around. I could witness Monsoon – the so called season of romance. I perceived these love birds settled, under the umbrella; had an exceptional magnetism. I just couldn't stop myself going down the deep belief - me yet being single. To add up to this, I'm always surrounded with people talking about their commitments -- through all the possible signs of communication.

Conversely, a bird on the wings supported my thought to embrace freedom. Exactly, the way I feel now - being SINGLE! I don't owe an explanation to someone. No requirement to the conventional reasoning for my acts. No insecurities regarding the acts, no affection or anticipation for unnecessary things and the list goes on. But still, a part of my mind says that it is all worth it. Significant to all the performance - be devoted to, overwhelming obsession, concerned appearance and the baby-treatment given. I am free from the overprotective conduct, when in a relation, free from the fear one wears for not losing the trust. Beyond all this, the engaging gestures made by your better half to make you smile during the uncomfortable times or when you are under the weather, surely make you feel special.

Again, the two sides of me are left unsatisfied. Is being single the best thing? Or am I missing the element of being together? But gawking at these love-doodles, I surely, did crave for love and yet again, no one to share this lost part of me. The puzzled moaning, by now was submerged in the rain.

Just as every coin has two sides, I feel the same way. I jotted down to know - do all singles feel the same? I want an answer to this – is being single a boon or a bane? Can someone please explicate?

Puzzling Night!

It was a routine and for consecutive fifteen days I was soaked with work. This night I was home by 11hours45minutes. The scorching sun outside parched me followed by the deadlines for the day, leaving me exhausted. I freshened up and reached to side-bench attached to my double bed. I arrived to John Grisham’s – The Partner, but got conscious to the to-do list for the following day. Therefore, I decided to go off to the dreamland.

I comforted myself with the spongy bedspread on me. I curled and exchanged sides but sleep dint embrace me. I grasped that it is one of those days those days, where sleepless nights have taken over. I questioned where is my alarm clock days?  Out of the blue I feel gone, bewildered and disheartened.
I adored sleeping and have been craving for a soothing one off late. But tonight, I lay on my bed while nasty thoughts engage me. I roared in my mind, I wept inside. I don't want to be friends with these gloomy nights. They munch me up and dehydrate me, leaving me forlorn and cranky for the time. Tried to escape as music intervened, but these agony thoughts poked me down the darkness. I dreaded things that shouldn't bother me. I brooded over the moments happened or shall happen the next day, which I might just not see. I asked myself -- "Why can I just not live for the moment?" I paused for a moment, inhaled the next few seconds. Oxygen comforted.  I assisted myself in retaining the optimistic remedy. Though I couldn't prevent the thoughts of blurry future, I yet pretended to calm down. I smiled by myself for the unwanted concern I accepted past an hour.  I rested facing myself to the ceiling. Trying to replicate sleep, I closed my eyes; realizing the sun was up when I opened them.

Once again this Morning, as I lazed on my bed. I realized it is with me to organize our mind-set. The thoughts, at times can be proscribed and the emotions can be replaced. We own the power to be in charge of contentment – as our Thoughts Become Action the world says. Always Keep Smiling!

The Term: BEST FRIEND

"In your happy moment, I will be there by your side. And so in harsh situations I won't leave you aside.." A promise what all friends make. A message all close friends convey. A sentence spoken by sweet and over possessive best friends.

So just by the above goody sentence is NOSTALGIA taking over? Humm...OK! Stop *pinch yourself*. Sorry for taking you back to the imaginary,the overwhelming illusionary world.
Lately, I was hit by a friend's case. She was badly hurt by her best friend who broke the trust/promise which once was the glue to their relation. The string was broken just because of a new phase in life; Just as he got his partner for life and hence he had to divert his entire share of love, comfort and attention towards her. FRIENDSHIP was no longer needed. A new meaning to friendship discovered *sarcasm*. I was shattered once again. Wondering the thought that love can diminish but can friendship too? Can friendship also vanish with time and situations? I had no words as I was taken back to my heart breaking days. The same freaking shit was given to me by the most lovable person,my guide to life,my friend and a part of my family-My Best Friend.

Today when I see two friends, I am yet struck with those divine bonds I was once connected with. I feel helpless to see myself without the most precious part of life. I was just thinking about my past best friend's. The number of friends who came and went. Feeling of nostalgia runs through the veins and Damn! I yet explode feelings alone and at times with my all time friend-Memories. I have shed gallons of water for the people leaving footprints in my heart. And yet tears roll down thinking of those people who were and yet a part of me.
Don't you think we've all had several changes in the number of best friends through different stages of life? Looking at my past experiences, I feel the term "BEST FRIEND" is highly over-rated. There is a good lesson behind this that I've learnt- getting close to people only breaks you. If people close to you can do this, then strangers can also not be trusted.
I have been making Best friends but people couldn't accept me as one is the thought making me write this. Today, when I wanted to cry on a supportive shoulder I had none. Worst was the day I wanted to celebrate my happiness I had none then too. I wish destiny does not play with people and their purest relation ever. But I will try forever and ever for this touching attachment to once, at least once, get me positively and hope my heart helps me in succeeding it.